OVERTURE 

(Tune: When You Had Left Our Pirate Fold)

[OEDIPUS] When Saturn went in retrograde 

Your wish gave you a power strange

Your opti-ons you caref’ly weighed

The world you could now change

But take some sound advice from me

You must be wily as a fox

Or else you’ll stumble stupidly

Into a paradox

[FINN] A paradox?

[OED.] A paradox!

A devastating paradox

You can control the flow of clocks

But you can’t make a paradox

[BOTH] A paradox, a paradox, a devastating paradox

Nono nono nono nono no paradox!

 

ACT I

Scene 1: Finn’s room, early morning

Finn Haas was a sixteen year old boy living in the city of Thebes, Indiana. His father worked for a large multinational bank, doing… something- the details of his job were never clear. His mother had trouble saying ‘no’ to responsibilities, so she was their church’s head of youth ministry, a member of their school board, a columnist for their newspaper, and had a thousand other jobs besides. Having Finn in the first place was a bold and potentially reckless move for their schedules, and they soon realized that they just didn’t have time for more children. Finn had no siblings, and certainly no twins.

Which is why it was strange when, early in the morning of March 25, 2016, he opened his eyes to see an exact copy of himself standing in the doorway to his bedroom. 

It didn’t startle Finn—after all, one is rarely startled in a dream—but he still stared at the newcomer with casual disbelief. That was his own fluffy blonde hair and those were his own blue eyes staring back at him. Then Finn frowned as he saw the cocktail toothpick planted between the doppelganger’s teeth, the little plastic-wrapped end matching the color of his hoodie.

“Hey-dazmylook,” Finn mumbled, not raising his head from the pillow.

The doppelganger grimaced and the toothpick in his teeth wiggled. “All right, it’s official. I don’t understand anything anymore.”

“Whadtimeizzit?” Finn asked, pulling the covers up to his chin.

The doppelganger took out his phone and a look of horror crossed his face. “Oh.”

Finn closed one eye. “Izzerly?”

The other Finn backed away from the door. “Too early. Far too early. You know, just stay right there. Don’t move. I’ll be right back.”

“Wergsforme,” Finn muttered, closing his other eye.

 

Scene 2: Thebes streets, early morning

Fifty-seven minutes later, Finn burst out of the house wearing his favorite green hoodie and matching toothpick, opened the garage door, and struggled to maneuver his bike out past the car. What kind of crazy person schedules an audition for 6:00 AM? 

The answer came to him almost immediately. A theater professor, that’s who. But why didn’t my darned alarm go off?

He flipped to his clock app and groaned as he saw the time that he’d set the alarm for the night before. 5:30 PM. He kicked his bike off and sailed down the street.

No clouds hovered over Thebes that morning, and the stars above sparkled brilliantly. It was more the type of sky one would see in the middle of the cornfields than in the city. The wind whipping through his curls, Finn picked up speed and raced through the historic downtown, flashing past squat buildings whose neon signs sharply contrasted with the 19th century brick and mortar they hung on. He took a hard turn to shortcut through an alleyway and some stacked boxes fell over behind him, but he didn’t even look back. They’re finally doing some Gilbert and Sullivan. Come on, I can’t miss this! 

He jumped his bike onto the sidewalk and passed through the large stone archway crowning the Thebes University campus, then, once he hit the quad, quickly checked the time. 6:21. Twenty minutes late. Maybe this is salvageable? I mean, I could still get an ensemble role, right? 

Finn screeched to a halt next to the dome of the Heinlein Opera Hall, threw his bike against the railing leading up to the backstage entrance, and, without even bothering to lock it up, sprinted to the door. I just wish I could’ve gotten here sooner.

At this moment something occurred which to this day remains unexplained, but it is worth noting that this was the exact time in which Saturn went retrograde.

When Finn tugged on the handle to the backstage door, it wouldn’t budge. He banged on it. No response. That’s crazy. They wouldn’t lock me out, right?

Finn ran around to the other side and tried the front entrance, but the glass doors were locked as well and everything was dark inside.

Finn slumped down on the front steps and pulled out the audition form, unfolded it, and reread the top section:

The audition will be held in the Studio Theater at the Heinlein Opera. We’ll be starting up at 6:00 AM, so make sure to wake up early! If you have any questions, feel free to email me at mhenninger@thebes.edu or text me at (555) 217-8448! I look forward to seeing you there!

Finn pulled out his phone and dialed the number, and like he expected, it went to voicemail. His words came out a little more choked than he’d really expected them to. “Um… Hi, Dr. Henninger. This is Finn Haas. We talked at the festival. Um… I got to the audition late and I found the doors locked. See… well, I was wondering if… you could possibly reschedule my audition, or… anything.”

He took a deep breath. “The Mikado is one of my favorite plays, and I, um… just really want to be in it. Even if it’s just in the chorus or something. Thanks.”

Defeated, Finn hung up and slowly walked back to where he left his bike, dragging his feet as he went. But when he rounded the bend, he saw the railing, but no bike. There’s no mistake, this was the spot I left it. This can’t be happening. There’s no way this is happening.

Finn frantically looked around for his bike, but to no avail. It had completely vanished. 

“You really had to steal mine, huh?” he blurted out as he gave the railing a savage kick. “And now. Yeah, great move! Real funny!”

Finn’s eyes welled up with tears as he began the long walk home.

 

Scene 3: Finn’s room, early morning

Half an hour later, Finn arrived at home, not feeling any better. He unlocked the door, stumbled inside, and kept walking until he got to his room without even taking off his shoes. He fully intended to just flop in bed and stay there for the rest of the day. I shouldn’t have left my bed in the first place.

Then he opened his door and discovered that he hadn’t. Or at least, there was someone else occupying his bed who had the same mound of curly hair that he did. Finn froze in place as all of a sudden the memories of last night’s dream flooded into his mind.

“Hey-dazmylook,” the boy in the bed muttered.

Finn flicked his toothpick with his tongue. “All right, it’s official. I don’t understand anything anymore.”

“Whadtimeizzit?” the boy in the bed asked.

What time is it? The sun should have fully come up by now. But come to think of it, it’s darker outside than ever. Finn took out his phone and checked the time.

5:32 AM.

The color went out from Finn’s cheeks. What. What is this? But all he could say was a very meaningful “Oh.”

The boy in the bed closed one eye. “Izzerly?”

Finn backed away from the door. “Too early. Far too early.” Mom and Dad are away this week. Who’s around? Who would believe me..? Victor. Victor will believe me.

“You know,” Finn said slowly, “Just stay right there. Don’t move. I’ll be right back.”

He slowly closed the door again, a single thought coursing through his head.

What’s going on?